Cosmic Iguana - Voice of the Evil Doers

Back in the day:

Rome (AP) Popular War-time Leader President Claudius II announced today the execution of the infamous terrorist Osama Ben Valentinius. Valentinius, the leader of a fanatical group of religious extremists dedicated to the overthrow of the civilized way of life, was arrested for dishonoring the institution of marriage by marrying people not religiously sanctioned by the state.

"Marriage is between one pagan and another," Claudius stated in a speech today, "The Gods say it, I believe it, and that settles it."

Valentinius was first arrested for disrupting the Lupercalian orgies in 269, replacing it with queer ritual of exchanging paper hearts. "It's weird, it's sick, and it's clearly related to human sacrifice," Claudius noted."They are one dangerous cult."

"One thing is for sure," Claudius concluded, "They hate our freedom." [*]